Once again another month gets ripped off of the calender and another negative pregnancy test goes into the trash can. I'm pretty much at a breaking point and have made the decision to stop taking hormones for a couple of months because this Momma needs a serious break. I'm sick of the head aches, sick of gaining weight, sick of getting my hopes up, sick of being disappointed and generally sick of being sick. Am I giving up, or just taking a break? Some days it feels like one, some days the other, some days even both. Whatever it is, I'm kind of excited to start feeling like a normal human being instead of someone who is on a constant, non stop rollar coaster of emotions.
I'm also VERY excited to lose some weight (3 pounds so far) and wear a bikini on the cruise we're going on in 5 weeks. Yep, you heard me! We're headed to Cozumel baby! We will be leaving April 21st and enjoying 5 days, 4 nights with The Upper East Side Draper Kemps (aka Judy and Judd) and the Texan Kemps (aka Janson and Meagan). I cannot even wait! Don't worry, I'll post so many pictures it will feel like you were there with us the whole time! (P.S- PLEASE for the love do not say to me "You wait. Now that you're not stressing about it, you will get pregnant." No people, that's not how it works. My body does not ovulate on it's own so please stop trying to make me feel better by saying this. Thanks.)
As for what will be happening after my "break"... I will be taking a leap of faith and going to see a fertility specialist who will hopefully take me down a different, more successful path. This is so bittersweet for me because I LOVE my current O.B and will miss him so much. This is so hard for me because now it's real. I have a problem and need some fixing but haven't wanted to admit it because seeing a fertility specialist is scary to me. I know it's the beginning of a new journey but I know I'll need some encouraging and lot's of support as I go through this new process. I'll tell you one thing though, I'm not going through all of this again. I am totally content with getting one more baby here and completing our little family. =)
9 comments:
Amy...you are amazing and have done so well to go through all that you have. It looks to me like you are handling things well and doing the right things that you need to do. I am glad that you are getting a break and that you get to go somewhere fun for a while. Send LOTS of pictures!!!
I have two mixed emotions right now, I am so happy that you are in a good 'space' per se, but sad that you are having struggles. Trying to get pregnant is miserable... especially when your body is no cooperating.
Keep up the good attitude. Your cruise will be awesome and I am very jealous! If you have not already, you should read 'The Perfect Hormone Balance'. I read that book and literally the next month I was pregnant with my twins. It was great, but I religiously did everything they said.
Good luck! Have fun! Enjoy it!
The trip sounds fun... although ripping off another calendar month is not. If you seriously ever want to talk about the fertility specialist or anything shoot me a message or give me a call.
Amy, I'm sorry you've been going through so much. But yay to feeling better physically and yay to your fun cruise. Good luck with everything! You'll make it :)
Not that I don't want you to have a baby SO bad, but I'm SO glad you are taking a break for YOU! It will do wonders for you and then you can have a fresh start and try again. Your body needs the break. Embrace this YOU time and have a BLAST on your trip! Love ya!
Amy I just love you. You know that. We are going to have THE BEST TIME EVER on this cruise! It will give you all the healing and strength you need to go see this fertility doctor with less anxiety and more fortitude. Gobbs of love to all of you Utah Kemps/Canaveris/Hofhines! :)
Amy- I struggled with this too, and wish someone would have told me about what endocrinologist do, they specialize in hormones, but have a higher fertility rate than a fertility specialist. Just a thought. They get to the root of why things are happening, not just try to make things work. More like getting your body all the way healthy before taking a whole bunch of pills you don't need. Love Ya- Good Luck
Amy, I think about you often, even though I don't always call or text. You're such an awesome person with a contagious attitude! I wish you ALL the best with everything :)
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